To Kiss or Not to Kiss?

The Great Divide in the Lifestyle

When my partner and I first entered the lifestyle, we thought the biggest decisions would be about who to play with and what boundaries to set around sex. Turns out, one of the most surprisingly tricky conversations was about something far simpler: kissing.

Sounds easy, right? But the more we talked about it, the more we realized it wasn’t simple at all.

Why Kissing Matters

Kissing, in many ways, feels more intimate than sex. For some people, it’s the ultimate symbol of romance and connection—something they only want to share with their partner. For others, kissing is just part of foreplay, a fun and natural way to connect with others before (or instead of) more.

In the LS, kissing tends to be a hot-button topic. I’ve noticed a pretty clear divide:

• Some couples say “absolutely not”—it’s off the table completely, because for them, kissing is sacred.

• Others are all in—“of course we kiss!”—because it makes the experience feel whole.

And then there are couples like us, living in the middle ground.

Our Journey with the Kissing Question

At first, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. On one hand, I agreed with the idea that kissing carried a deeper intimacy. On the other, when we played without it, something felt missing. It was like reading a book but skipping the first chapter—still enjoyable, but not quite complete.

We experimented. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. And what we discovered was that the answer wasn’t black and white. For us, it depended on the context:

• With a couple we felt a genuine connection with? Kissing felt natural.

• In a purely physical scenario, like a casual playroom hookup? Not always necessary.

That flexibility became part of our boundary. Instead of a hard rule, it was a conversation—one we still check in on regularly.

Tips If You’re on the Fence

If you and your partner are navigating this same question, here are a few things we learned along the way:

• Talk before you play. Decide what you’re both comfortable with before things heat up.

• Pay attention to how you feel after. Did kissing someone else make you feel excited? Guilty? Turned on? Those feelings are important clues.

• Remember that it’s okay to change your mind. Boundaries can evolve. What feels like a “no” today might be a “maybe” later—or vice versa.

• Respect your partner’s limits. If one of you isn’t comfortable, honor that. The lifestyle is about shared experiences, not pushing each other past breaking points.

Final Thoughts

For us, kissing turned out to be a sometimes-yes, sometimes-no situation. It’s not all-or-nothing—it’s about what feels right in the moment, with the right people.

The lesson? The lifestyle isn’t about following one set of rules. It’s about creating your own, together. And whether you kiss or not, the only “right” way is the way that works for you.