Lifestyle Will Make or Break You

How swinging became the ultimate relationship mirror—and why I’m grateful for it.

One of the biggest misconceptions I carried for most of my life was this:“Swinging is for broken marriages.”You know, couples on the brink. Bored. Sexless. Desperate. Trying to fix something that was already falling apart.

Let me be the first to say—I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Joining the lifestyle didn’t destroy my relationship. It exposed it. It tested it. And ultimately—it strengthened it in ways I never expected.

Vanilla Life, Vanilla Lies

Before the lifestyle, I lived in what we’ll call “vanilla land”—a place filled with couples who, on the surface, looked fine.But when the drinks flowed and the conversations deepened, the truth came out:

• No one was really having sex.

• Everyone was “fine,” but not fulfilled.

• Communication was passive at best, nonexistent at worst.

• And don’t even get me started on emotional intimacy—it was hanging by a thread.

I watched people settle. Stay in things they didn’t even like, let alone love. And somewhere along the way, I internalized the idea that maybe this was just how it is.

But then I met my now-husband.

A Second Chance—Built on Intention

This is my second marriage. My first? It was dead on arrival. No spark. No communication. No trust. It wasn’t salvageable, and I won’t pretend otherwise.

But when I met my current husband, the energy was completely different.We were both coming out of toxic, loveless partnerships—and we were intentional as hell about how we wanted to build this one.

We communicated. Constantly.We made love with passion and presence.We set goals, shared fears, and listened to each other.

Our relationship was the one I had always dreamed of—but thought couldn’t exist. Especially after seeing the norm in so many vanilla couples around me.

And still… the lifestyle would test us.

The Lifestyle: Relationship Gym or Demolition Site

People often assume you only enter the lifestyle when something is missing.For us, it was curiosity. Chemistry. A desire to explore together.

But let me be real: the lifestyle will put a magnifying glass on every crack in your relationship. It will test:

• Your communication

• Your emotional regulation

• Your confidence

• Your ability to listen without ego

• Your sense of safety and security

It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s not for the avoiders. And it’s definitely not a shortcut to fixing what’s broken.

But it IS one hell of a mirror.

It has shown us where we need to grow—individually and as a couple.And those lessons?They weren’t created by the lifestyle…They were already there.LS just turned up the lights so we could see them more clearly.

Moments of Doubt and Growth

There have been times where I’ve thought, “Is this even worth it?”When the conversations get hard, the boundaries get blurry, or jealousy creeps in like an uninvited guest… yeah, I’ve questioned it.

But those moments—those hard moments—aren’t failures.

They’re invitations.

Invitations to:

• Speak deeper truths

• Build stronger trust

• Reaffirm our commitment

• And level up as a couple

It’s WORK.Sometimes it’s exhausting.But every meaningful relationship requires work—lifestyle or not.

The Wake-Up Call I Didn’t Know I Needed

Here’s the truth:The lifestyle didn’t “save” our relationship—because it didn’t need saving. But it has absolutely helped us evolve it.

We’ve grown more self-aware.We’ve learned to communicate with radical honesty.We’ve discovered new layers of pleasure, vulnerability, and trust.

And we’ve realized this journey isn’t about sex with others—it’s about a deeper connection with ourselves and each other.

If you enter the lifestyle thinking it will fix what’s broken, you may walk away shattered.But if you enter with intention, humility, and a willingness to grow?It can become one of the most beautiful, transformative experiences of your life.

Lifestyle will make or break you.But if you let it—it just might make you stronger than you ever imagined.